in 2010 there was a big gap in my writings. From March to October I didn't write anything worth mentioning. I had moved and was struggling a lot then. I was new, and terribly lonely. My boyfriend at the time was over 400 miles away and I could feel every mile. In October things got a little better for me I think. I had made a couple friends and I started participating in my schools one acts production.
I also developed a huge crush on Rodman. He made me feel seen again. He'd almost always make playful contact with me in the halls. So whenever he ignored me I felt so betrayed! He gave me a ride home once early in the school year, maybe the first or second week of school. Then from one acts he'd sometimes give me rides home because it'd be late by the time practice was over. Even though he sounds friendly, we never got closer than that. We didn't hang out or go places together. We were very distant. I started one acts because he was the sound person. I ended up doing set design.
I dreamed that I kissed him one morning and then I knew I was in love. I was honest with that feeling and I let it run wild. I was always conscious of my boyfriend, and I felt guilty, but at the same time I don't think it was wrong of me to be true to myself.
This poem was the first poem dedicated to Rodman. Now that I've been with Rodman for a couple years I'm glad I typed down everything I was feeling for him….5 years ago now. Time flies!